My Birthday

Sunday was my birthday. What a day this was!! We woke up and had breakfast in the hotel, as we waited for our attorney to call to let us know about discharge. She called and found out that it would be much later that day- more like late afternoon. 

I was a nervous bundle of energy. There was no way I just could just sit and wait. David, on the other hand, as usual, was his calm and collected self. We decided that we would find a church nearby and attend services, get lunch and then wait to go the hospital. 

We went to First Baptist Church Kenner and went in to find our seats. We obviously looked like visitors- we didn't want to "steal someone's seat" - it's a Baptist thing! We were met by a lady, Christie, who looked to be about our age. We sat with her and her husband and told them why we were here. Another adoption connection was made! 

I looked at the order of service and saw the songs- "Lord Most High" and "Great is Thy Faithfulness." How fitting, but I knew I wouldn't make it through worship without crying. I was right. But it was such a sweet time of praising my Father for all that He had done and answering our prayers. I was constantly checking my phone to see if Lisa, our attorney had called or texted. She called just before it was over to tell me that we needed to be there at 12:30 instead of 4:00! After church, we left and went straight to the hospital. 

I was really about to throw up. This whole time, I was "cautiously optimistic." Literally, holding my breath for four days until all was signed. But at least for now, we were going to get him. We got to the hospital and installed the car seat (it was just in the car- I told you- no time to prepare.) Lisa was waiting for us in the room and we got settled in as we waited for discharge instructions. The nurse came in and talked to us- giving us our discharge instructions. We got ready to go and David and Lisa went downstairs to pull the car around and get everything loaded up. 

We were waiting for transportation- which took sweet forever. But looking back, this was a blessing in disguise. The delay gave S and I some time to just talk- the two of us. It was relaxed, just two friends talking. I'll treasure that forever. Finally, the nurse came to get us and we went downstairs. We said goodbye- such a priceless, surreal moment and went our separate ways. We drove the hotel- with a baby. It was so funny because we hadn't told our extended family yet- just our parents. Family members were calling to tell me happy birthday and I was having to "lie" about where we were. Again, we were holding our breath. 

We got food (finally!) and I fed Matthew. We all took naps and then David went and got us frosty's from Wendy's- my birthday cake. We just talked to him, stared at him, loved on him- for however long he would be ours. 

It was still so surreal- we had a baby in the room with us! We just took it all in, soaking up every little sweet sound. We just held him and talked to him- told him we were mommy and daddy. He tried to figure out who we were, where he was, why I didn't sound like his birth mom- it was the strangest, yet heartbreaking thing. Let me tell you this first hand- no matter how young a baby is when they go to an adoptive family, they grieve the loss of their birth family. For nine months, she kept him safe inside her, he heard her voice, heard her heartbeat, she gave him life. Then all of a sudden, he's in a totally new environment and she's not there. I just kept telling him how much he was loved and how safe he was, that we were mom and dad and that we were going to take care of him. Slowly, the look of fear and confusion melted away into peaceful sleep.

He did pretty good during the night. We got up the next morning to head to Baker to stay at my parents to wait out signing. The attorney wanted us to be close by in case we needed to come back for anything. S would sign later that day.

Next- meeting the family. 

Meeting our son and birthmom

I almost passed out when we got off the elevator at the hospital. No, seriously- felt lightheaded and dizzy. I took a few deep breaths and then we walked down the maze of the hallway to her room. The social worker talked to us about how her meetings with S had gone, some of her fears, and just some "tips" to make the visit go smoothly.

We walked in and there they were. Our birthmom is precious and just so sweet and kind. She wasn't at all what I had pictured in my mind. Now, remember I work in adoptions and I've seen birth moms from all walks of life and some situations have just been plain crazy. We just sat and visited with her  and the social worker. We talked about the type of contact in the future and what she desired, what we desired, how we were all feeling about this. The social worker was amazing- she made us both at ease and really just lead the conversation. I held him briefly and then we left to go buy a few things. We made plans to be back at 6:00 for the feeding. 

Remember, all we had was a diaper bag and a car seat!! I'm so thankful that I thought to buy one a few weeks earlier in the event we had a "stork drop." We went to Baby Depot and bought a pack and play, some bottles and outfits. We made a trip to Walmart to get a few other things. I had a "mini melt down" in the baby aisle and called my mom- I couldn't believe this was really happening and I had no clue what I was doing. We picked up supper for S and then headed back to the hospital to feed him. 

This time, it was just the three of us and Matthew. I was able to attempt to feed him (he wasn't real interested!) and we just talked some more. She told us about the birth father, about her plans for the future, just some things we'll treasure. Again, we didn't stay long. 

We left and checked into the hotel. By this point, we were exhausted and hungry. We love New Orleans but were not going to venture into the city. There was a seafood restaurant across the street from the hotel. It was also my birthday the next day- so we celebrated my birthday and our last night as the two of us. We ordered alligator egg rolls, stuffed shrimp and the best cheesecake for dessert. 

We went back to the hotel and set up the pack and play, packed our diaper bag and just crashed. We knew he would likely be discharged the next day (Happy birthday to me!) so we weren't sure of the time. We slept well- we had a big day the next day. 

The Drive

Our last photo as a family of 2

I barely slept the night before. I got up at 5:30 to pack our bags and surprisingly, didn't forget too many things. All we had for baby was the diaper bag and car seat. We stopped by the church to drop a few things from the night before and then were on the road a little by 7:00. The drive felt like it was the longest drive ever. We were about to meet our son and our birthmother. What she like us? Would she change her mind? Is this really happening? 

Most of the drive was filled with me making phone calls to my mom, calls to and from the social worker and our attorney, plus to a few people that knew what was going on, and one phone call in particular to a friend who just had a "stork drop" situation about 4 weeks prior- same hospital and everything! I had no idea what to buy, what we needed, how this was going to turn out. 

We finally made it to the hospital about 2:15. We called the social worker and let her know we were here. 

Up next: Meeting Our son and birthmom

Our Journey to Matthew

Wow- it's been a week since we got "the call'! It's been a busy week- but time has flown by. I want to document our journey to Matthew. I won't be sharing specific details of his birth mom, birth father, birth, etc- it's Matthew's story and as his parents, we are the story keeper until he is old enough to decide who he wants to share it with. 

This will likely be a series of posts, but I really want to document it because it is such a God story. 

THE CALL

Let me just say that the week leading up to getting the call about Matthew was probably one of the lowest and worst weeks of our adoption journey- for both David and I. Emotionally exhausting, defeated, feeling like it was one more bump, one more delay in getting our child home. I'm not going to go into it, but it was a series of events that were just rough. 

Earlier in the week, I had gotten a call from an attorney/colleague who knew we were adopting. She told me about a birth mom she was meeting with that weekend and who was due in a few weeks. She asked if we were interested in being presented and we said yes. 

Friday, May 24- 

I had just pulled up to the church with pizza for our youth bash when my attorney friend called. She asked if I was by myself and then I needed to get David here with me. Well, he was in the middle of getting things ready so it was just me. She told me of a completely different situation- one that she felt certain was "it" for us. A baby boy had been born earlier that day in New Orleans and his birth mom wanted to choose an adoption plan. In the adoption community, this is a "stork drop"- where no adoption plan has been made prior to birth. She gave the details and told us that we would likely have to be in New Orleans by tomorrow morning. Everything she was telling me sounded good. I needed to talk to David and let her know very soon if we wanted to be presented to birth mom. 

The next hour or so was a blur- trying to talk to David about everything while we're at the youth event. I spoke to my friend again, then to the social worker who met with the birth mom. About two hours later, I was on the phone with our son's birth mother, S. It was a very surreal, out of body experience. I  shared with her a little about us and our journey to adoption. She told me why she was choosing adoption and that she wanted him to be raised in a Christian home with a family who would love him and give him what he needed. We made plans to leave first thing in the morning. 

Meanwhile, we were showing the movie "Facing the Giants" - how appropriate for what was about to happen! Especially at the end, where Coach Taylor finds out he's going to be a daddy- after he and his wife faced infertility. This was the biggest leap of faith we had ever taken together as a couple. But it just seemed the right thing to do. We both had no idea how it would turn out. We said from the beginning of our adoption journey, that we would walk through every door until it closes. 

We got home late- around 10:30. I'm trying to think of what all we need to pack, David is trying to sleep to get ready for the long drive. I couldn't sleep at all. I was up and down- thinking surely this is not really happening. We could be soon be parents. 

Next: the Drive/Meet and Greet

A Different Kind of Mother's Day

It's Mother's Day (well almost- Mother's Day Eve) and I've been thinking about this day all week. It's a little different for me this year. Last Mother's Day, it was just a few months after my surgery and when we were told that medical intervention was our only chance at being pregnant. I knew that by this time next year, I would either be pregnant, have a baby, or be in the middle of adoption. Honestly, either way, I thought we would have a baby by now. 

Well, it's a year later- and no baby. One unsuccessful round of Clomid, an official cause of infertility, a big move and big job change for my husband and we're finally in the midst of the adoption process. It's been a bit slower (okay, a lot!) than I had wanted it to be, or where I thought I would be at this point. 

Yesterday, we celebrated the life of David's grandmother. She went to be with Jesus last week at age 85. She was so excited about our adoption process and was constantly asking about when the baby was coming home. Honestly, she wanted nothing more than to see her first great grandchild. Last week, she asked about the baby's name, which we were able to tell her. She also gave us this little bunny rabbit that sings a song about Jelly Beans to put in the baby's room. One of the last things she told David and I was to "take care of that baby and bring them home." David preached part of the funeral and it was beautiful. I did okay until he started talking about the baby and how excited she was- which then caused me to bawl my way through singing "Amazing Grace." David assured her before she passed away that our baby would know about her and we would take care of them. 

I had this realization last week about Mother's Day. It wasn't anything huge or profound but it gave me a bit of hope. I realized that I already am someone's mother. They just don't know it yet.

 Somewhere out there, there is a brave woman who will make the most selfless and loving decision to choose an adoption plan for her baby. I don't know if this baby is even in her womb yet, but God knows exactly when this baby will be born. Our baby already has two mothers who love them so much- it's indescribable.

My child doesn't know that 

• I picture in my head what the day will be like when we get the "call" 
• that I get so overwhelmed with the love that I already have for them that it takes my breath away. 
• that their grandparents are already talking about their "grandparent" names. :)
• that we are praying for them and their birth family
• that I have this picture in my head of what I think they may look like- I'll be curious to see if they look anything like this! 
• that I never knew I could love someone so much that I've never met
• that already in my heart, even before we've met- I love them with a mother's love. 

So I'll wait. I'll continue to get the nursery ready and drive my husband crazy with paint colors and my crazy planning- "nesting" madness. I'll cry because it seems so far away- almost out of reach. I'll pray- continuing to hold onto the hope that God has given me. I'll continue to love- love the little one who will someday (soon!) call me "Mommy."

A Sweet Gift

One of the things that I love about my work in adoption is the relationships that I get to have with my families. I tell them "We laugh together, we cry together, we pull our hair out, I talk you off of the ledge..you're stuck with me long after all of this over." I love getting email updates, Christmas cards, photos, phone calls from them- to let me know how they are doing. 

About 6 years ago, I met a family who was one my of first home studies (not sure if they knew that- they were my guinea pigs!) and they took in a little boy who was 18 months old and they later adopted him at age 3. Over the two and a half years they were my "family" and then the years later, we've developed a great friendship. I get pictures, follow them on FB, talk occasionally. J is now 8 and he's growing up so fast. 

Yesterday, I got a phone call from J's mom. She said she had to share something with me but not through an email. Saturday was "National Lemonade Day" where kids are encouraged to have a lemonade stand and with their profits to do three things: Save, give and spend. I had seen pictures on FB of J's lemonade stand- it was so cute. She said that J told her that with his money, he wanted to give to an adoption ministry. She told him about David and I adopting and how I knew J and his family. She was calling to tell me that J was giving a portion of his lemonade profits to our adoption fund. I was blown away. We cried and we laughed. I couldn't believe it. I love how this little boy whose life was changed by adoption wanted to give back. This reminds me of why adoption is worth it, why doing what I do is worth it. All of the tears, uncertainty, the gift of a courageous young girl, the willingness of a family to say "yes" even when it was hard and "no" would have been easier to do. 

So the next time I pass a lemonade stand or drink a cup of lemonade, I'm reminded of the sweetest gift I received from a little boy who touched my heart in such a huge way. 

"It's all going to be okay"

"It's all going to be okay. It's all going to be okay." Those words were spoken over me last night by dear sweet husband. I love that man- he's so calm, grounded, unwavering. Early last night, I received a phone call from an attorney friend about a baby being born in 2 weeks and the birth mom hadn't been matched yet. She was asking if we would we be interested. I can still remember the feeling in my stomach- utter panic mixed with excitement. She gave us the details, talked about some possibilities to make it work with finances. It was a lot of money in a short amount time- and we didn't have all of it- though I felt like we could get it. Then there was the little (big) issue with our homestudy- it wasn't completed yet (that's a whole other post in itself). There was also another issue-the birth mom did not want anyone who was "too religious"-whatever that means. Umm- we're a ministry family- our faith is core to who we are. It's about a relationship with Christ, but I guess to some people we would be considered "religious".- maybe even "too religious."

I cried, we prayed, we talked, I cried some more, i racked my brain to figure out a way to make it work. But there was the answer in our hearts from the Lord- "No..this isn't your child." If I'm really honest, I think i knew that from the moment she started telling me everything. My sweet attorney friend (who's also a social worker) told me that it's okay, this may not be our child, but that they'll be others and she's keeping us in mind for situations. There also may be another potential situation further down the road (BM is only 7-8 weeks along) that may be a better fit for us. 

I can't help but feel like this will never happen- like it's getting further and further away. Remember, when you were a kid and you had a balloon in your hand and the wind took it from your hand? In the first few seconds that it happened, it seems like you'll be able to get it back- it lingers close to you, then suddenly - nope, a gust of wind picks up and moves it further and further away, in the distance, out of reach forever. That's exactly how this feels. Like it will never happen. I feel like lately it's always been something- the homestudy, finances, timing. Believe me, I know that God is faithful and He hears the cries of my heart. It's coming- i know it. Just right now, it doesn't seem like that at all. 

Last night, I asked David- "Is there ever going to happen? Will we ever get our child?" My wise husband with his funny sense of humor (yet spot on in truth) "Yes- multiple children. There are children every day that need a home. One day, you'll remember this day and laugh because you'll be crying over how the kids are driving you crazy!" A funny thing also happened earlier- he makes me laugh all the time. My friend asked me if I knew of any other families through my work that might be interested. I told her i would check and see and call her back. He said, "You're going to call someone and see if they want a baby born in two weeks? Just like that?" I smiled and said "Yes, I do it all the time-sometimes with shorter notice than that." He just shook his head and grinned, "Well, no wonder you're crazy!" It took me a minute to catch what he said, but it made me laugh. Adoption tends to bring out the craziness. 

I'm not going to lie and say I'm 100% okay today. I'm not. I'm trusting in the promise that God is faithful and that I have "to trust in the Lord with all of my heart and lean not own my own understanding. In all of my ways acknowledge Him and He will set my path straight." Proverbs 3:5-6. His ways are not mine, He can see the bigger picture- I only see a snapshot. He's got this- this maybe bigger than me, but it's not bigger than Him. And, it's all going to be okay. In fact, when it does happen, it will be more than "okay." It will be perfect. 

Surrendering the Yes

When we first started the adoption process, because it's a domestic adoption, we immediately set our age range for newborn to 12 months (the younger the better). Hubby has said that he wouldn't mind adopting an older child. It was me that held back on that. Most domestic adoptions are newborns and if an older child (non infant or toddler) is available, then they usually  have severe behavior/emotional issues and medical issues. If we were adopting internationally, this would be something we would have to consider as a yes. 

Infertility is a thief. It steals so much. I think that's why I wanted an infant. If I wasn't able to experience the pregnancy, delivery, first moments, etc then I wanted to catch up on lost time as soon as I good. Plus the earlier the child is with us, the sooner we can start working on bonding and attachment. 

Yesterday, I received a text from a friend asking if we were completely sold on newborn. I told her about our parameters and my reasoning for wanting newborn/infant. She completely understood. She proceeded to me the story- it was a family member of her husband's and the child was two. My friend and her husband could not take him in right now. Something made me tell her that I would talk to Hubby and then I asked for additional information. 

I was traveling so I had a lot of time to think. It struck me. I didn't ask God to show me the parameters that He wanted for us- I simply said what I wanted and went with it. I really got to thinking about it. This little boy couldn't help the fact that he was 2. He has experienced a lot of trauma for his little life. Before transitioning to full time adoption with my job, I worked with foster kids and children in residential settings for 6 years. I know how to deal with their hurts, the impact that trauma can have on development, bonding and attachment. Was there now all of a sudden a reason why? 

I knew what Hubby would say- "yes" and that we would walk through any door that opened as far it would take us. I knew it would be hard. My friend called me back and confirmed some of my suspicions and answered questions that I already had answered in my mind (because of knowing how the foster care system works). It was not even an option for us. But that's okay. I knew that I had to be willing to surrender my "yes" and be willing to let go of my expectations and desires. After all, this isn't about me at all. When I finally made it home that evening, I talked with Hubby about this situation. Again, he confirmed he was okay with a toddler. I don't think we would be comfortable with older than age 2 or 3 at this point in our lives. I was a little disappointed but even more excited about may happen because we surrendered our "yes." 

Unexpected Answers

Ask anyone who's been a part of adoption and they'll probably all tell you the same thing: the journey is unpredictable. It's full of unexpected twists and turns, bumps and roadblocks. Anything can change in the matter of a few moments. Be prepared for the unexpected. 

As I wrote previously, we've been dealing with infertility for over a year. Even after my surgery in Feb 2013, we didn't have any real answers or reason for the infertility other than we had it. Pregnancy wasn't impossible just going to be difficult. Last week, I had my first experience with the unexpected and unpredictable with adoption. I met with a new OB/GYN doctor since we had moved and needed to get established. I showed her the pictures from my surgery and told her what worked and what hadn't worked so far. I told her we were in the midst of the adoption process. Routine bloodwork brought a reason for the infertility. However, I wasn't prepared for the reason. I'm in early menopause. At. 32. Premature Ovarian Failure- which is when the ovaries fail and one goes into menopause before the age of 40. My previous doctor had mentioned this as a possibility but nothing else was mentioned. 

I felt a mixture of emotions. Relieved to finally have an answer and some logical explanation and reason for my symptoms over the past year. Angry that the previous doctor may have missed it or at least wasn't aggressive in testing for it. Hurt and Disappointed that a chance of natural pregnancy is slim to none. The doctor said that a natural pregnancy was very slim and that there was a good chance that there might be a chromosome defect with the pregnancy- and I have a very strong history of chromosome abnormality in my family. So I guess that was a blessing in disguise- I honestly don't know how I would handle getting pregnant after such difficulty only to lose the pregnancy.  Like I said before, I'm okay with not being pregnant- adoption isn't Plan B for us- but there was still that glimmer of hope that pregnancy would be possible one day. 

The diagnosis stopped me in my tracks. Most people find out their reason for infertility before they start the adoption process. Not in the middle of it. My mind rushed with thoughts. "What do we do now? How do I even begin process this? What do I tell our home study worker? How do I grieve?" 

This shocking diagnosis does not change our passion and plans to adopt one single bit. If anything, it gives us more energy to push forward. We put one foot in front of the other and keep walking. I'm so thankful for answers, thankful for a doctor who took the time to listen to me and offer a treatment that plan that after 2 days, I could already tell was working, a God who is Sovereign and that nothing takes Him by surprise. 

T shirts!

We just had our first home study meeting last week. It was interesting being on the other side of things- blog post to come.  We're about to kick fundraising into high gear- especially to be prepared if things happen fast. 

We're selling t shirts through Bonfire Funds. We have 20 days to sell a minimum  of 50 shirts and we receive $11 from each shirt. Our goal is 200 shirts. It's day 3 and we've sold 49 shirts! We struggled trying to find the "right" design- one that people would actually want to wear and that represented our story. We're adopting through Christian Adoption Consultants and they have a Facebook page for adoptive families. One of the mamas offered to families some of the designs they didn't use for their shirts. We found one that we love. Love how He provides for us. 

Our site www.bonfirefunds.com/journey-to-baby-gray  Simply visit the site, order your shirt and it will be shipped to you towards the end of March. Our fund is open until March 12. So visit our site and order a shirt- help bring baby Gray home. 

Will We tell our Child they are adopted?

This past weekend, I was at the March for Life sponsored by Louisiana Right to Life. It was a great march, but COLD!!! Louisiana has had a bit of Arctic weather lately. My table was next to this lady with another local organization. We began talking and she told me she was an adoptive mom- her son was 21. She then asked if I had children and I was able to share about our adoption journey. Total God moment for sure. 

Our stories were very similar- we both married later in life, had infertility, adoption. What struck me was that she said they never talked about the adoption with her son- in fact he didn't know he was adopted until he was 8. He talks about it with other people, but never with his parents. I'm not sure how it came about but I mentioned something about telling our child they are adopted at an early age. Stunned, she asked me, "You really are going to tell them they're adopted when they're little?" I said- "Yes. It not anything to be ashamed about. We want them to know- it's a part of their story." I explained to her that obviously, we weren't going to have a 30 minute conversation with our child every day about adoption, but we want to have a climate in our home/family where our child knows they are adopted, can talk about it and ask any questions- without worrying about upsetting us. I think that's what happened with this woman- she had not dealt with her own insecurities about not being able to have biological children, fear of the child wanting to meet their bio family, etc. This is a major area that I cover with my families that I work with. 

Adoption is a not a secret, not anything to be ashamed about. Hopefully, we'll be able to meet our child's birth family so we'll be able to tell our child one day that we did get to meet them, what they're like, etc. It's important for our child to know where they come from- to celebrate their family. There's a great book that I've read called "Telling the Truth to Your Adopted Child" by Jayne Schooler- highly recommend. It talks about the different developmental stages of children and how they think about adoption at that age. So yes, we'll tell our child they're adopted. It just means that they have two families who love them very much- double blessing. 

Dear Birth Mother

Today is National Sanctity of Human Life Day. Yesterday, I participated in our state's March for Life with my job. This year there was a focus on adoption. I work primarily with adoptive parents, but occasionally have worked with birth mothers. Every single one of them considered abortion at some point when they learned of their unplanned pregnancy. There was the mom who was actually planning to get an abortion and had to watch videos of what occurred during the process- she got up and walked out. Another one who changed her mind after doing a google search for abortion and saw pictures of what happens during the procedure. One of my adoptive families told me that their son's birthmom tried to have an abortion 5 times and couldn't go through with it. 

Now being on the adoption journey, I looked at this event with different eyes. Our birth mom (whoever she is, wherever she is) may very well be faced with this dilemma. My heart has been so heavy for her today- this day, Sanctity of Human Life day. As I was driving back home today, (seven hours in the car- a lot of time to think and pray!) I began to pray for her, thinking of what I would say to her, what I would say to any mom in this situation. I'm not jumping on some pro-life vs pro choice bandwagon here- this letter is from one mama to another. 

Dear Birth Mom, 

You don't know me, I don't know you- we haven't met yet. I don't know when we'll meet but you were on my mind today. So I did what I usually do when someone is on my mind: I prayed. Because one day (if not already), you'll find yourself in a situation you probably never expected to be: pregnant. Abortion may have crossed your mind or been presented to you as an option. I don't know. What I do know is that there are other choices: choices that offer life. I pray that God will send people in your life that will speak truth to you, speak life into you when your'e at your most desperate moment, that they will share with you about adoption. I want you to know that there is an adoptive family who is praying for you- and we don't even know who you are. We are praying for strength: strength to resist to listen to what others are telling you is the right thing to do, strength to fight for you and your child. You are brave and strong- don't forget that. Praying for wisdom and peace as you make decisions, as you make the most selfless decision anyone can make, as you choose who will raise your child. I'm not going to pretend that I know what you're going through- I don't. We are both moms to a child who will be so blessed to have two moms who love them so much- you loved them enough to choose life. That's huge in my book. We both love someone we haven't even met yet- strange how that can happen, but it does. Rest assured that your child will know how much you love them- that you chose life for them. Until the day comes and we meet, I'm praying for you and your child- and thankful every day that you chose life. 

Adoptive Mom to Be

New Journey, New Blog, How We Got here

I had to change over to a new email account and I couldn't figure out how to connect it with my old blog- too techno savvy for me. So I figured, new blog to go along with our new journey. Hopefully, I'll do a much better job at posting. :)

The past few months have been a new journey and it now has a new destination: adoption!! We told our families at Thanksgiving and Christmas and then officially told everyone via FB on January 1. I told D that I may never get to have a "pregnancy announcement" so I wanted to be creative with it and enjoy the moment. Below is our picture from the fabulous Anna Pitts at Purple Paisley Photography 

I want this blog to document our journey to becoming parents, to write what I'm learning about adoption and to keep our friends and families updated on the journey. Here's the Reader's Digest version of how we got here.

Before D and I were engaged, we talked about adoption and knew that it was something that would be a part of our family. We just thought it would be after we had biological children. We knew that getting pregnant could be difficult due to my previous history of endometreosis. Plus, we got married later in life by "Southern standards"- I was 31, he was 32. After about six months of marriage and no pregnancy (and a few other issues that made me think there was a problem), I underwent surgery in February 2013. No endo but a lot of scar tissue and other things that made the doctor feel like pregnancy wasn't going to be impossible but hard. She immediately prescribed Clomid and referred me to a specialist. In April, I saw the specialist who was amazing and didn't seem to think things were bad as originally thought. He wanted to do 3 rounds of Clomid. I was finally able to start the Clomid in May and it was awful- turned me into a crazy woman. It didn't work. D and I had decided that if it didn't work, we would just move to adoption.

I wasn't sure if I ever had complete peace about doing Clomid, but felt like I needed to try. As I left the doctor's office, I felt such peace and release to move forward. The summer months were spent praying about D's full time ministry and where God would have us next. It was a pretty fast interview/hiring process that led us to moving to a small town in Northwest Louisiana, but we saw (and still see!) God's hands in every step of the way. My house sold fairly quickly and we're in the process of buying the house we're renting now (which I love!!).

We know which agency we're going to use, making plans for home study (since I obviously can't do my own!) and getting finances, fundraising ideas, in place to move forward with a domestic adoption. We're so excited. Adoption is not Plan B for us- just didn't know it would happen for us first. We have no idea how long this journey will be- I've learned in my job to throw timelines out the window. So we'll just pray and see.