Unexpected Answers

Ask anyone who's been a part of adoption and they'll probably all tell you the same thing: the journey is unpredictable. It's full of unexpected twists and turns, bumps and roadblocks. Anything can change in the matter of a few moments. Be prepared for the unexpected. 

As I wrote previously, we've been dealing with infertility for over a year. Even after my surgery in Feb 2013, we didn't have any real answers or reason for the infertility other than we had it. Pregnancy wasn't impossible just going to be difficult. Last week, I had my first experience with the unexpected and unpredictable with adoption. I met with a new OB/GYN doctor since we had moved and needed to get established. I showed her the pictures from my surgery and told her what worked and what hadn't worked so far. I told her we were in the midst of the adoption process. Routine bloodwork brought a reason for the infertility. However, I wasn't prepared for the reason. I'm in early menopause. At. 32. Premature Ovarian Failure- which is when the ovaries fail and one goes into menopause before the age of 40. My previous doctor had mentioned this as a possibility but nothing else was mentioned. 

I felt a mixture of emotions. Relieved to finally have an answer and some logical explanation and reason for my symptoms over the past year. Angry that the previous doctor may have missed it or at least wasn't aggressive in testing for it. Hurt and Disappointed that a chance of natural pregnancy is slim to none. The doctor said that a natural pregnancy was very slim and that there was a good chance that there might be a chromosome defect with the pregnancy- and I have a very strong history of chromosome abnormality in my family. So I guess that was a blessing in disguise- I honestly don't know how I would handle getting pregnant after such difficulty only to lose the pregnancy.  Like I said before, I'm okay with not being pregnant- adoption isn't Plan B for us- but there was still that glimmer of hope that pregnancy would be possible one day. 

The diagnosis stopped me in my tracks. Most people find out their reason for infertility before they start the adoption process. Not in the middle of it. My mind rushed with thoughts. "What do we do now? How do I even begin process this? What do I tell our home study worker? How do I grieve?" 

This shocking diagnosis does not change our passion and plans to adopt one single bit. If anything, it gives us more energy to push forward. We put one foot in front of the other and keep walking. I'm so thankful for answers, thankful for a doctor who took the time to listen to me and offer a treatment that plan that after 2 days, I could already tell was working, a God who is Sovereign and that nothing takes Him by surprise.